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Beau

Age when it happend: 30
Where it happened: in bed
Langauge: english
Sex: Male
Rating: 5
Category: Straight

My name is Beau and i am the inventor of the sensis condom.
The evening started out with my buddy and I going to a party called Creative Black tie. It is a fund raiser in Miami that encourages the goers to make fun of tuxes typically risqu’e in nature for a good cause. Well my costume/tux was to be old blue jeans, boots, my tux jacket, pants and cumber bun. I had a devils tail I hung from the back side of my jacket and some devils horns to wear on my head. No shirt. I figured this was fun enough without being over the top. I have been in sports and worked construction all my life being in shape was not an issue.

The party was great. I was dancing with a lady I met and noticed this beautiful brunette looking at me. I did not think anything of it until a couple of seconds later she approached me and kind of gave me a hug and bit me on the neck; then walked away. OK this got my attention but i did not want to be rude to my dance partner. We continued to dance for awhile, while I was tring to figure out how to politely stop dancing and go meet this vampire. By the time i could get off the dance floor, she was gone.

The next week end i went to another party and There she was. I did not say a word. I sat next to her and acted as if nothing ever happened; until she started to recognize me. I kept my cool and just showed her my teeth like a dog growling. I almost started to laugh. I figured she would either get embarrassed and leave or stay and “game on”! She stayed. We hung out for the rest of the night and had fun at the party.

When it came time to leave i did not have a car there, so she offered to drive me home. She had a very nice car, a 500S Benz. She is not from my zip code was first stupid thing that ran through my head. We on the ride home She really drove that car. I tried to warn her about a bad corner coming up and she saw me looking at the speedometer and stated “speed make you a little nervous” I stated no “its that corner coming up” Woops, before she could react we went through the corner and through a wall. Now all I could think of after i checked to see if she was ok was boy this is a tough car. Next the cops come and long story shortened we get a ride home in a tow truck.

Finally! We get to bed and things progress. We both have been waiting for two weeks since spotting each other. This is bad huh! We tear at each other and finally the moment arises. It is time to put on my raincoat. (The house I am in is new; we bought and sold houses in the 90’s.)I just moved in this house and do not know where the light switch is. I can not see which way is up on the condom to get it on properly. Ah nooo!! Fumbling!!!@#$%??Soooo, I look out my shades and notice a street light half a block down the street. I lean to the window to catch some light to figure out the roll. All this concentration on one thing, “which way does this darn thing roll on!!??” Well all that effort paid off I know no which way the condom rolls! woops…all this effort and concentration on figuring the roll left other parts of the body without concentration. The motor stalled. After all this effort to get here and the moment was ruined by an unruly un-user friendly condom. That was a bummer, moment ruined. Before i could an encore in the morning to save face, i noticed some people walking around the front yard. All of the sudden my roommate at the time says,” is so and so here your dad is out front!” She states “DADDY!?” and I state “you have got to be kidding” she is the same age as me. She states get rid of him and jumps in my closet. Needles to say Daddy had a Lojack device put in his daughter’s car and now I have him in my yard and instructed to get rid of him and his Chauffer/bodyguard. Well as soon as I get this done she runs out of the closet and tears out of the house stating I got to beat Daddy home. No chance for an encore, bottom line she was let down by the missed moment and I did not get another chance. There has to be a better way.

It took me about six months of slicing and dicing making different devices for putting on a condom the right way the first time. None were really it, until one day I took out the Trash and pulled on the handles of a Hefty sinch sack. The outward pull of the handles….This is it. From there i developed the plastic strips and I put cabinet door stops on one end of the plastic strips, so I could feel the end of the strip tab and know which way is up, even in the dark. The condom will go on the right way every time now!!No more fumbles, no more engine stalls!

Robert B. Thompson still retains rights in using this story, for it is the true story behind the Sensis condom. If there is an issue, please call me at 305 725 5315 and we can figure out a fair solution. This line is inserted because of the line below submit.

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