first of all i apologize for any spelling and exprimation mistakes, english is not my mother tongue. second of all, there are no lies in this tale.
i never told anyone the story of my first time, mostly because i don’t consider it important, it didn’t change my life in any way and it was in no way special. just a regular fuck, which happened to be the first for me. here goes:
the background of our situation is this: we were both 21, we both got out of serious relationships few months back, we were dating for less than a month when this took place. he wasn’t a virgin. there was flirt, lust, tease and passion in this relationship of ours, but not love.
some details i remember so well, like the white sheets, the way we were lying on the bed, the exact position of our bodies, the fact that it was late at night, the soft light that was coming from a lit candle on the floor; some other things i simply can’t recall – like what we were wearing before we undressed, what did we do that day, when he put on the condom. so what i do remember is me naked lying on my back with my left leg bent and him naked next to me propping himself on his left elbow and resting his palm on my cheek while kissing my lips, my face, my neck… his right hand caressing my breast, his thumb teasing my nipple. i could feel him hard and i was wet. his hand moved on my thigh, first on the outside, then going up and down on the inside, reaching in between my legs. he teased my outer lips, then the inner, then the clit, then again and again and again, i was literally melting, my nipples were trembling, my entire body was shaking, i wanted his fingers inside me, but he wouldn’t give me that.. his entire body was now over mine, he was looking at me, just looking, not saying a word, i kept saying “please” not knowing what i wanted in fact, just saying “please, please”; although he was inches from me his mouth seemed so far away, i kept trying to raise my head and kiss him and as soon as our lips touched it was like something was pushing me back onto the bed, and pulling my chest forward. i remember the feeling of electric arc between his chest hair and my nipples. his fingers kept exploring the outsides of my cunt and at one point he replaced the fingers with his hardness, i remember his dick on my lips, on the outside, he kept pressing and teasing, i was incredibly wet… he was at my entrance and tried to get in, i instinctively pulled away, at this point he started kissing me, and i felt his fingers again, he entered me with one finger, he was looking at me and going in and out first extremely slow, then a bit faster, then he inserted a second finger, at this point i felt a little pain, i closed my eyes, i heard him say “baby”, he was going in and out and I was hurting… he was saying “relax baby, relax baby” and I was more tense… “please baby relax, try to relax, I can stop if it’s too bad, please just try to relax”. I could not relax!!! He stopped with his fingers still inside me. “I’m not moving anymore, breathe and try to relax. I’m here, baby, I’m here”. He started kissing me and I was finally relaxing. He moved in and out few times, then he removed the fingers once again, he brought his dick and started the journey inside, no pain at first, then i stretched and i let out a little scream, i couldn’t tell if he was all the way in, but he stopped moving at this point, we were staring in each other’s eyes, this was the moment when i got some kind of wake up call and the reality of the entire thing, the physical aspect of it hit me. anyways, after a few long moments he asked “u want me to stop?” i shook my head instead of saying “no”, he was looking at me, i closed my eyes, he was still, then his hands were on the back of my neck and shoulders; he started moving, i was feeling everything, his chest against my breasts, his face against my face, his hands on my skin, him inside me thrusting… i wrapped my legs around him and the pain was gone, he was still slow, extremely slow and he kept saying “baby, baby”; i had thousand thoughts rushing through my head but i couldn’t verbalize any of them, i was looking at him, trying to catch his eyes, he asked me “are you ok?” i couldn’t say a word, i kept staring into his eyes, he kept thrusting, he went a little faster, he closed his eyes, few more deep thrusts and he came. he opened his eyes, he was looking at me while still inside, we kissed for a while, i hated the moment when he slipped out of me and i moaned painfully then. he seemed puzzled… we lay there, he kept saying “baby” in all tones and ways possible, i couldn’t speak and after a while he got up and went to the bathroom. i never left the bed for the rest of the night… he came back, we talked and flirted, we didn’t discuss the sex…
how long did it last? i have no idea, most likely the whole thing less than 15 minutes. did i bleed? very little, i didn’t notice anything, he told me few days later that there was a little blood on the condom… did i come? no. there was a good feeling the entire time, but no particular climax moment. are we still together? no. we dated for a year which was a transitory period for us both and we each went our way, no resentiments, we talk very rarely, to this day he calls me “baby” (english is not our primary language and this is a nickname that we used and somehow stuck with us).
looking back and analyzing my sex life i have only one regret: i should’ve started it earlier and it wasn’t the experience i just described that brought me to this conclusion, but the years after it, the life i live now… and the advice i would like to give is start having sex as soon as u think u’re emotionally ready, as soon as u want to do it, as soon as u find someone u can trust and don’t let the simple fact that u slept with somebody affect ur decisions concerning that person or ur life. it’s just sex.
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