Where it happened: On the road
Langauge: English
Sex: Female
Rating: 10
Category: Straight
For those looking for a really sexy story, this won’t be it. I write this for the one person that needs to know this, and I have no other way to tell you.
How I remembered our first time was vastly different than what I think was your recollection. But I need to tell you, because it’s been 12 years, and I see things so very differently now. Back then I was a shy, scared 15 year old girl that lacked the ability to stand up for myself. But saying that doesn’t erase the fact that I had a responsibility to myself to stop what happened, because back then, once things were started (that first time only), I wanted to stop. It hurt so much. I was upset for a long time at you, and I wanted to know why you didn’t stop when I asked you to. Whatever the reason, I am beyond all emotion about it now. I realize that you probably have totally different memories about it, and may not have even realized how I felt. And since you called me, you have given me the opportunity to move higher than I have ever been about this. I am at thankfulness now.
Sometimes I think I was brave, because I knew what was likely to happen, coming to you when I had feelings for you, and I did nothing physical to stop having sex with you. I did want to know how it felt to have you inside me. I thought you were so hot, and was flattered that you found me attractive in the least. You knew how to turn me on so well, and it was all the hotter for never being experienced before.
After the first time, I took the responsibility of my sexual experiences on myself. When presented with another opportunity to have sex with you, I took it. I remember thinking that if I didn’t do it then, I may never be able to enjoy sex again. The thing is that over the years my hurt mind blocked out the fact that you were always kind and gentle with me after that first time. You spoke softly to me, and explained how to do things, because I obviously had no experience myself to draw upon. And in time, I grew to trust you. I knew you would never intentionally hurt me, and I was more physically relaxed with you than I have been with any other man. After I knew what to expect, I loved sex. It was GREAT! But until recently, I didn’t remember those things. Only the pain of that first time.
I am ashamed to admit that I have had these feelings toward you. I never remembered that you were just a kid, too. You were 17, and that is so very young. I should have seen that back then, but I didn’t.
In a way, I have you to thank for a lot of the greatest things in my life. Because of the way I had perceived that experience, I started to look for ways to forget. Instead I found that there is much more power in taking responsibility for my own actions, past and present. No one is defined by a specific crisis, only by how they perceive it, and how they deal with it. And that philosophy extends to spititual matters as well. I heard a quote once that said something like “Only the souls who love you the most are willing to hurt you in this life, because they are willing to take on the karma so you may learn an important life lesson.” I don’t know what your spiritual beliefs are, but I do know that you did help me learn some of the most important lessons of my life, and for that I will always be greatful to you, thank you, love you, and hold you in the highest regard. Thank you so much for finding me, and letting me tell you this. It has been something I have needed to do for a long time, even if how I feel about it has changed (considerably for the better!) And if I hurt you in any way telling you this, please forgive me. I have certainly forgiven you for being young and excited, as I have forgiven myself for secretly wanting it, but not being able to handle it once it happened.
But if you would like to know what I felt about you, your personality, how hot you were, or how I remember our other sexual encounters that were really GREAT, call me and I will tell you myself, in detail. Did I mention that I talk dirty really well? I might as well thank you for that, too! -L
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