Where it happened: My parents house
Langauge: English
Sex: Female
Rating: 5
Category: Straight
I was 14 when I met Matt. He was 16, tall, nerdy and went to my youth group. We hit it off instantly. I was gangly and akwardly tall at the time and no one my own age would date me. (I found out later they were scared to ask me out because I was taller than them, but that’s a whole other story..)
Anway, Matt and I took things slowly at first in our relationship.. we didn’t have our first kiss until 3 months in, but it was the most perfect kiss I’ve ever experienced. He didn’t want to push me past my boundaries and actually, he hadn’t gone very far sexually either and was a bit timid about it. It wasn’t until we actually broke up 2 years later because my best friend made a big deal about it that we decided to “do the do.”
He came over to my parents house one night when they were out at our cabin. I was 16 and so in love with him that I just wanted to get back together but I was afraid my bff would ditch me if I did. Well, we got to talking and, although he was mad at me for breaking up with him because of a reason else than falling out of love, he admitted he still wanted to be with me. I wanted him to love me always, so I did what I thought would “seal the deal” so to speak.. I started kissing him furiously.. running my hands over his body, climbing into his lap, rubbing his hair and lustfully grinding on top of him. It didn’t take long for him to get the hint. He greedily sucked on my neck as I went to unbuttoning his shirt. When we were both naked, I stopped him. I wanted my first time not to be on a ratty old couch. I wanted it to be in my room, with my first boyfriend, my first true love, so whenever I went there I’d remember that time.
We scrambled up to my room, kissing and rubbing along the way. He tossed me over his shoulder half way there and playfully tossed me on my bed and climbed on top. We’d done everything else but sex and each of us were virgins at the time and we both agreed we wanted it to be great. He started by going down on me to get me all ready to go and I nibbled his ear and jacked him off when I was rearing to go. Pretty soon it was time.
Now this might sound silly, but I clearly remember rolling my head to the right and gazing out at the moonlight shining in on us. I felt like this was exactly where I was supposed to be. I haven’t felt that way in a while.
Matt was big in all the right places, and this came to be a good thing, but for the first time? Not like the playboy books. He was looking into my eyes when he went in and I’ve never felt more in love. He went slowly at first, laying right on top of me so I could feel his manly weight and easily reach up and kiss him as he slowly began to thrust. I moaned out of the sheer intimacy and I think he mistook my moan for a “wow! Does that feel good!!” moan. Case in point: it wasn’t. He began going faster and I could tell my his facial expression how good it felt. He kept going harder and faster and it hurt so much! I could feel blood trickling down my leg and a tear slipped out of my right eye. I moaned and arched like I was having an orgasm just so he’d finished. It worked and he finished.
We lay there all cuddled up for hours after just talking and kissing and remembering our life together. From our first meeting to when I told Matt he should date me and not my bff. Eventually, I thought he should go in case my parents came home early like they sometimes did. We wanted back downstairs to get dressed.. I was just wearing a bit tee and he was stark naked. I started feeling an incredibly painful sensation (I later realized it was an intense allergy to latex- I couldn’t even get a tampon in there it swelled up so bad!)
he started talking that we should get back together and eventually asked me out. I was afraid of what my overly controlling friend would do and turned him down. He said he still loved me but couldn’t wait around for me if I couldn’t commit. I started crying and went to get up to hug him but realized my period had started full blast.. I was covered in blood on the insides of my legs. I just squatted lower and tried to hide it. I told him I thought I showed him the best form of commitment- losing my virginity to him and he said that wasn’t enough and left. My heart was broken for months after. Even when I think about it now I feel pain and come close to tears. Matt got me. He loved my quirks and encouraged me to be myself and not to conform. I found out a year or so later that he had slept with another girl the day after we shared our first time. He’d been seeing her on the side when our relationship began to dwindle. They dated for two years and then he did the same to her as he did to me with her. He’s been dating that new girl now ever since.
I went a little crazy after that.. having sexual relationships with any older guy who said I was beautiful over the internet. I lost all self respect. I figured if even Matty couldn’t stay true to me, no one could and I wasn’t worth that kind of commitment. It wasn’t until I met my current boyfriend that I realized I deserved more. We’re going on three years now. (I’m 21 next week!)
I think about that time a lot. That night I stayed up and just thought about that relationship and what I had done. I didn’t feel bad like I thought I would.. I knew God said it was wrong but it had felt right. I don’t ever regret having my first time with Matt. We had a good thing going for a long time and I’m glad it was with someone I not only cared about, but loved, respected and admired. There will always be a place for you in my heart Matty K.
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