Where it happened: Back Alley
Langauge: English
Sex: Male
Rating: 10
Category: Straight
If anyone plans to erase this because it tries to make a statement, rest assured I am also including a story about my first time 🙂
I read one of the stories (16346), and there was something convincing about it. The kid who wrote it may not be an altogether innocent kid, but there is something genuine in what he says. It isn’t judgmental, and it doesn’t preach. Instead it encourages you to think about what you do.
Yes, pornography IS a problem for many. It DOES CONTRIBUTE in the ruin of many lives. It would be incorrect to say that pornography is THE main cause for so many heartaches and problems for many of us, but it is a powerful contributor, more so than most of us would like to admit. After all, who wants people to think that he or she is a porn addict? You wouldn’t even want to admit that to yourself. Hence we end up with people who have problems, but will not only not admit, but will even advocate pornography for the sake of free speech.
So wanna know my first time? It was at the back of an alley in NJ. I drank a bit beforehand. I was young, and I was horny. I was brought up with a religious (catholic) background, so I knew better than to play around. But you have to realize that there are so many of what non-christians call “hypocrites” simply because keeping yourself free from sex is just plain difficult. It’s an obvious fact that has somehow still caused an unnecessary enmity between the religious and the non-religious. But back to the story. I had with me a lousy $20 bucks to spend that my mom had given me because she had earned enough money from her Christmas bonus to let it trickle down a bit to me. I went out with my friends, and sort of deserted them when I found a hooker on the street. She took me to an alley where she half-heartedly stuck a condom on me, blew me, turned around, stuck my cock into her cunt and did me. I had paid her for a $20 bj only and hadn’t expected anything more. I think she was new to this and hadn’t been picked up by a pimp yet. Now I had a moral dilemma on my hands. I was supposed to have kept my virginity, but I had lost it. Accidentally, too.
That of course out of the way, I soon had no real standard to save myself anymore since I had given it away to a hooker whose name I don’t even know. I eventually ended up spending a bunch on other hookers as well as a few girlfriends of mine, but the physical aspect of sex somehow just doesn’t seem beautiful to me anymore. It’s pleasurable, but just not something pure and good anymore. Don’t get me wrong – I had my dreams, too. I had always thought that I would save myself for the woman of my dreams. I wanted a spouse who I would consider so precious to me that I won’t let any harm befall her. I thought I had a good future ahead of me and would be in the position to dream as all young boys do, that is until some years earlier through some unfortunate circumstances in my life (relating to family life), all my dreams were shattered, at least it certainly seemed like it at the time. The regretable thing is that I had always been a good kid, never messing with things that I shouldn’t mess with, until of course porn came along and I would sometimes just spend hours upon hours of my precious time staring. Trust me, your eyes will never see enough of what you like. Spend your time wisely 🙂
By now I am thinking that many of you (if you read this far) might say that I have problems and that I am an isolated incident. You may be right. But you may also be wrong in that there are many of you out there with similar struggles (different circumstances but similar struggles). Some of you may even be saying, “What’s so wrong with losing your virginity?” or “What’s so wrong with pornography?” You may simply advise that I change my perspectives. Perhaps, you’re right. But I just can’t shrug off the feeling that there had originally been something better in mind for us. The concept of a single spouse may sound unacceptable to some, but upon further consideration, it’s a mind-blowing concept. To devote yourself fully to one person seems to me like the only feasible method by which you can “go all the way” with someone. The amount of time and energy you spend on ONE person in life will be all it takes for you to realize that if you REALLY want true intimacy, more than one partner is too many. After all who else can know you like yourself? You are your own best friend in a sense because you are the only human being who can feel so acutely and precisely your own joys, pains, and desires. Your spouse would be the closest thing to another you and vice versa. The importance of that statement, I think, becomes dearer to your heart as you get older. I’ve graduated from college now and am working full time, and no matter where I am, how many friends I surround myself with, I can’t shrug off this feeling of loneliness. It’s like a straitjacket that I can’t remove from me. It’s a disease that I’m destined to live with forever. In that context, a spouse who understands you, one who you wake up to every morning, is a gift whose worth I can’t even begin to describe. Yes of course, there’s the other aspect of marriage, too. Bad ones. I’ve seen it all, unfortunately. I was standing outside of a porn store (just happened to walk by =)) and saw an old couple in a car in the parking lot. The old man, apparently an addict, went into the porn store. The old woman? She was just in the car by herself crying. I can’t begin to try to explain that one, but seeing that got me extremely somber that day.
I know I may be a dreamer. That my ideologies may be simply pipe-dreams. But this world isn’t a happy world. At least not as good as it ought to be. If anyone feels the need to tag me as a “christian zealot” feel free to do so. Better yet, calling me a hypocrites may even be a more reasonable recourse, because I am. My first time has proven that. But I say all this because I’ve seen people hurt by immorality (yeah, the absolute standard of morality and immorality thing), and sometimes I can almost feel the pain that my friends and family go through, sometimes very acutely, it’s sometimes more than I can bear. As I read some of the stories here, a select few seem to be genuine love stories mixed with sex lives worthy of envy. I sometimes kick myself for some of my wasted life and feel that I don’t have much to look forward to in life. I hope I’m wrong.
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