Vio

My boyfriend and I had been together for about 10 months. Although we had told each other straight up at the beginning we didn’t want sex before marraige (we were both virgins, though strangely not religious. We just thought it should be THAT special), he had told me a couple months earlier that he had changed his mind. He loved me and wanted me but still respected me, and would wait forever, if I wanted him to. So on this day I had asked him to buy condoms… not to have sex but to protect against the serious foreplay we’d been doing lately. But we got to his room and started making out like usual. An hour later all our clothes were off, and we were stroking each other and rolling around on the floor. He put the condom on, then lay on the floor and guided me on top of him. And I wanted him so bad, I just wanted to know what it was like to have a guy inside of me. Well, to have him inside of me. He moves me around until the tip of his head is right at the now very wet and slippery opening. “There…” he whispers “You can do what ever you want” And he just looked up at me with his huge brown puppy dog eyes. I was super nervous, because I wasn’t really sure that that’s what I wanted. Of course, physically I was more than ready. I had fantasized about it quite a few times. But emotionally I was aware that it would completely change everything I had ever believed. He just lay there staring at me so intensely, not letting me move off the head, but letting me move it around. Finally I said quietly with a half laugh “I want to go down…”

Suddenly, he was on top of me, his hands rubbing my shoulders, his tip still just barely inside me, staring just as intensely as before, but now he was softly smiling.
“Whoa,” he said, kissing me gently on the lips, “It is going to hurt you” I nodded. I knew. It was the first time. “Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?” I looked up at him and just knew that he would be good to me. That we were going to be together for a long time. That he was going to try his hardest to never hurt me. So this time I said with certainty “Yes.” He gave me a rush of kisses on my shoulders, neck, and face, and said “Okay.” He slowly began to force himself in. And it hurt like hell. I felt as if I was ripping in half. I let out a quiet yelp, and he pulled back, unsure, kissing me, making sure I was okay and telling me to let him know when I was ready to try it again. It was only a few second before I guided it back and he tried, much slower this time, to push into me again. This time there was no feeling of being ripped, just slowly stretched, as he pushed further. He started to pump just the slightest bit. Then he rolled over, so now I was on top. I suddenly got scared. I had no idea what to do. I just bent down and kissed him. “You go…” I slowly started moving slightly up and down, up and down, until he was all the way inside of me. It was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Physically, a part of me that had always been empty now had something long hard and fleshy inside of it, and it felt, well, strange. We rolled over again so he was on top. Then, suddenly he pulled back out. He thrust himself back in, all the way to the end. It took me by surprise, but it felt so good. He thrust again, his eyes searching my face, trying to monitor my reactions. Each thrust felt a little deeper. I started to moan. He stopped, pulled out and again began kissing me all over. “No,” I breathed, “Go back in…” He hesitated before thrusting again. It seemed to stretch me even more and I moaned again. His hands cradled my head, and his face was really close to mine. “At this point, I can’t tell whether it’s pain or pleasure. Let me know if I’m hurting you.” I nodded my agreement and he began pumping, firmly and rhythmically, cradling my face and staring into my eyes the whole time, occasionally coming down to give me a light kiss. His thrusting kept getting faster. I have to admit it really felt much more strange than it did pleasurable. And I was still sore from the initial shove. But I didn’t care. Because I knew the first time would hurt, just as he did, and I could tell that he was trying so hard to be gentle, to keep the instinct in him under control. Then, he came, and a few seconds later he pulled out, laying next to me and breathing hard, with a huge grin on his face. Even though he was right there, I felt so abandoned, like this wonderful thing that had been a part of me was now missing, gone out of me. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry about it. He looked over at me, his huge smile still there. “How are you feeling?” His normally deep brown eyes were sparkling. He looked so alive. It made me feel even more alone. My blue eyes met his. “Hug me.” I demanded. He threw himself on top of me and gave me the biggest bear hug ever, rocking me and kissing my cheek and neck, not loosening his grip until I loosened mine. Now I did feel like crying, but it was because I was so happy. Somehow in the back of my head I had thought after he had had me he wouldn’t want me anymore. The chase was over, or something like that. Or, I wasn’t the good girl he thought I was. But there he was hugging me, kissing me, and excitedly making plans to go out to eat. And I knew he wasn’t going to leave me. I had given him something so important to me, and he knew it and treasured the fact. In the weeks that followed I half expected him to brag to his friends like most guys do. But they didn’t find out for another couple of months from his older brother. He saw it as something personal for him and I to share only. As of now, we’ve been married 7 months, and it’s only gotten better.

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